Things I've Learned Living in a Basement

    The title says it all, I've learned quite a few things these last 9 months. I've been living in the basement of an old run-down house. I'm going to share them with you, so that you can learn from them.

    Despite what one might think, depending on where you are in the basement, anyone directly above you can hear everything you're doing. This is awkward on several occasions. Also, there's a strange phenomenon amongst women in this type of environment. When you tell them to be quiet, they really only get louder. I'm flattered, but everyone is asleep.

    Don't fuck with the spiders, and they won't fuck with you. It's an unspoken truce that has been going 9 months strong. There was one incident, I was overzealous, but it has since been resolved. We no longer speak of it. Remember, they were here first.

    After suffering a poop flood, the floor has become tainted and unwell. Anything that falls to the carpet is also tainted with a horrid stench. Think of it as The Bog of Eternal Stench from the movie Labyrinth. I've set up fallen pillows in positions I can use to hop around the room, I have yet to come up with a solution for the smell. It may have lessened, or I may have gotten used to it.

    These are the most important tips I could think of and hope you have all learned something. I'm hungover and thought it'd be a good idea if I let you in on the secrets of survival. Hope you enjoyed.

~Joe GenoCyDe

Zombie Outbreak: Operation Failure

    Thanks to video games and movies, I come from a generation that is just itching for a simple zombie outbreak to spread worldwide(myself included). Everyone thinks they'd survive, it'd be a great way to just reset the world, and everyone has considered population control at some point (Ever been to the DMV?).

    So I've been very ill these last couple of days and yesterday was no exception. I could hardly move or breathe for that matter. When I woke up, I had to pee really bad. I tried to open my eyes and sit up for a moment, but it wasn't working out for me. Somehow, my vision was shot. Everything was sepia toned and blurry, like a dramatic lifetime movie where my dad dies in a fire. Everything was quiet, any sound that was made was delayed and muffled.

    I stumbled across the room and managed to get up the stairs. This is when my mind went kind of nuts. Something felt very wrong. Zombies. That was my thought process. Something. Bad. Zombies.

    Oh well, after I used the bathroom and went back to sleep, I realized it wasn't my brightest moment. Fortunately, I feel much better today. Quickly doing some laundry so I can wash away the sickness I sweated out. I know, I know, there's nothing sexier than a sweaty man. Ladies, contain yourselves.

    Thought that was a nice little story you guys could enjoy. Still trying to keep up the awesomeness of my blog. Open to suggestions about things to talk about. I will have it be known that I don't much care for pop culture AKA Bieber's Haircut.

~Joe GenoCyDe

Typically Relative

    This last week has been pretty dull. Just been doing typical stuff. Luckily for me, my idea of typical isn't exactly the norm. Drinking and going to the movie theater or out to eat, typical. Being drunk by noon, typical. Typical is a pretty relative term. I'm glad that my idea of typical is pretty fun on paper, makes me seem much more exciting.

    I watched The King's Speech this week, while absolutely hammered. That was quite the experience, it's definitely better than I imagined it would be. Still, Inception should win the Oscar for best picture. Also, I've never spoken much of it, but indian food is my all time favorite kind of food, and we got a little drunk and went to and indian buffet. That was amazing, no lie.

     Probably going to do some laundry today. I hope so, I've been switching off between jeans and basketball shorts. No bueno, I'm gonna catch a cold or something. We're all out of booze, which is insane, because we just bought a handle of Jose Cuervo two days ago. Pacing isn't our strong suit. and just before that, we had another cheap handle of tequila and a fifth of whiskey. I don't see how we can avoid liver damage at this point.

    I really wish I had more to talk about, this post has been pretty boring and uneventful. Typically, I have something exciting to say, I have some kind of story ready for you guys. No luck this time around, I'll try to get into more dangerous situations.

    I'm going to go grab some grub. Give me a few topics I could possibly talk about in the near future, I need things to write about.

~Joe GenoCyDe

Sappy Valentine's Day

    So, tomorrow's the big day. The day lovely couples spend their day swooning over each other, some of them even write each other lovely little poems. Get each other gifts and candy, go out for dinner, maybe go watch a movie. Romance fills the air with the scent of Love.

    Me? I'll probably spend it drinking tequila in the basement in my boxers.

    I remember a time when I spent Valentines Day like everyone else. For example, once, I took a girlfriend to see the Friday The 13th remake. This was before I had given up on the idea of "True Love". She lived a bit out of town, so we agreed to meet at the theater. I showed up holding a giant fucking bear and an equally giant heart shaped box of chocolate. I looked like a goof.

    I fumbled around with this giant bear and chocolates, waiting for her to show up. She walked into the theater lobby and was so excited to see me holding this shit. I'm not sure, but I think we even brought the fucking thing into the movies with us.

    So, even I have been sucked into the whole Vday thing. It's hard to avoid. I think my biggest problem with the holiday is that it's all based on a superficial idea of what Love is supposed to be. Any shmuck can write a poem and claim that's how he feels.

    When I'm with you, nothing else matter.

My heart pounds through my chest at the mere thought of us.

Together.

A river of love for you pumps through my veins.

Your touch sends warm, unexplainable sensations through my body.

And all I can think of is how lucky I am to have you.

    See? I bet I could recite this poem to any girl without a Valentine and send her into a swooning abyss. Feel feel to slap that poem onto a bouquet of flowers. I just got you laid. 

    Don't get me wrong, I believe in Love. I don't, however, believe in "True Love." For a definition that fits my age demographic, I turned to Urban Dictionary. Click the link to get an idea of what people think of "True Love." Link

    It's all Hallmark bullshit. I also don't like the implication that the word "True" gives to Love. It implies that you were meant to be together. I believe you can be completely happy with a HUGE demographic (or not so huge if you suck). My definition of Love is this: Love is being about 75% happy with someone and not wanting to correct the quarter of them that sucks. Happiness consists of the 4 C's(compatibility, comfortability, compassion and sex). At no point in time does my idea of Love require hearts and candy.

    So fuck Valentine's day, stay home and have a movie day. Get comfortable on the couch with your valentine, talk, reminisce, and fuck. That's a perfectly fine Valentine's day if you ask me. Shit, I'll even take a tequila shot for you guys!

~Joe GenoCyDe

Ballerina Bitch Loses Her Mind

    We've been drinking, a lot. Just a few days ago, we got trashed and went to see Black Swan. Prior to seeing this movie, I had heard about the big lesbian sex scene and I really don't like sex for the sake of sex in movies, so I wasn't looking forward to that. It actually wasn't so bad, you don't actually see much, and there's a reason for the scene. So that movie wasn't so bad, I enjoyed it.

    And yesterday was a great success. Me and Darco had some whiskey and got on cam with a handful of fans. It was pretty awesome. I also made 20 bucks by selling the entire first season of That 70's Show. Things have been good lately. Today we've gotta help Darco's mom move some shit, gonna get paid for that. We have to do some laundry at the laundromat. So I'm going to be pretty busy for some of today.

    There really isn't much more to tell you guys, I updated our Purevolume page and Facebook updated our page, but I'll probably post about that on the Hardcore Climax Update blog.

~Joe GenoCyDe

It Could Be Worse: A Heroin Story

    As I've already said before in my most recent post, I have a been sick. Then, shortly after my near death (Exaggeration) sickness, I spend 10 hours sweeping. Think about that for a moment. I spent 6 hours sweeping without stopping, then lunch, than 3 and a half more hours consisting of more sweeping. It's sounds easy, but upload a video of you doing it, and then smile for the camera as you cross that "oh-so-easy" finish line.

    Anyway, I'm getting paid for that. So that's something. The basement is no longer flooded, but in it's final moments, the flood made sure to leave it's legacy behind. The carpet reeks of freshly slain feces. I think the lingering smell of waste and death give the room some character. I'm tempted to name the stench. (SN: I forgot it was Saturday.) I'll name it Terry.

    Also, first comment, awesome personal achievement! (Thank You, Quincy)

    Since we're all caught up, I'll type up the story of a lifetime. The same weekend we almost got shanked and left for dead HERE, I had a run-in with some pretty interesting dudes. Caution, I feel as though I might not look so brave in the moments I am going to describe to you, but damn it, I tried.

    It was a peaceful drunken Saturday at my Uncle's motel room (In his defense, it's a roomy motel, almost hotel-ly). I had cigarettes, but no lighter. In my drunken state, I was hitting on the women at the front desk. She wasn't attractive in the traditional sense, but my beer goggles would argue that it was "good enough". After my failed attempt to woo the older woman, police entered the lobby and I quickly walked away.

    I bumped into some regular looking guys, one of them was very short and friendly, the other was tall, quiet and apparently as drunk as I was. I asked them for a lighter and they emptied out their pockets. No dice. They invited me up to their room where they assured me they had a lighter. I followed them across the entire motel and they led me into the room. It was a regular room, just like my Uncle's and they had the tv going.

    I was handed a lighter and I cracked open the window. I thanked them and got to know them. They told me they had a friend in the shower, who was also living with them. The shorter guy, Alec, started talking to me about his situation (He lives in a motel, of course there's an explanation). He told me his girlfriend got pregnant with someone else's baby, that his mother sent him to rehab for smoking pot, he talked about moving to harder drugs and eventually being admitted into a hospital.

    I want you to understand that the guy I was speaking to didn't look a day over 20. He looked young, youthful and full of energy. He was funny and down to earth. So naturally, I think he's full of shit. I don't believe a word he says. I laughed it off and they offered me some of their cheap plastic fifth of whiskey. Of course, I take a few shots. I was completely fine, until I noticed the tall guy, J-something, start spacing out while watching Superbad. I started feeling a little uncomfortable.

    That's when it happens, the bathroom door opened and this tall, strung out, eminem looking dude walked out half naked. He threw a shirt on and introduced himself. I don't remember his name, I just remember feeling fear. This is it, they spilled all their secrets, they're not gonna let me leave. I'm dead. I composed myself the best I could and continued talking to them. All the while, Alec kept talking about how he got clean and his plans for the future and Eminem started looking at the ceiling and stretching like he was ready for liftoff. I managed to ask, "Are you cool, man?"

    "Heroin, man. Heroin."

    Pardon my french, but I damn near shit myself. Between his soul-cleansing shower and meeting me, this guy shot himself up with heroin. Not very many normal people can say that everyday. So, Alec is talking about 'bitches, and how they suck', Spacehead is intrigued by Superbad and Captain Heroin is getting ready to enter Tron. Things are not looking good for me. All I need is a way out. There was a knock at the door and I was completely swallowed by darkness.

    It was pitch black, the junkies had shut off the lights in panic (You thought it was something more epic, didn't you?). All I could hear were these idiots talking about how the police were in the lobby and fighting over who needs to answer the door. At that point in time, I'm either going to jail for associating myself with these junkies or dying. Of course, they managed to get Captain Heroin to answer the door, great logic. I could hear him talking, but I couldn't hear who he was talking to. I heard him say, "Who? No, he's not here," and damn near ran to the door.

    The lady at the front desk was kind enough to let my uncle know some junkies lead me away and were ready to rape me (Not really). But alas, I was rescued. I went back to my uncles room and had myself some beer before passing out. Good times.

Scariest moment of your life? Do tell.

~JoeGenoCyDe

Apologies

    Hey everyone! I've been sick for the last week and I'm starting to get better. I really haven't been doing much apart from light drinking and hanging around moping. Wait! Our basement AKA my bedroom is slightly flooded, mostly wet with poop water. That's a whole other story. Also, I still have to tell you guys about my run in with heroin addicts. I'm falling behind!

~JoeGenoCyDe