A Little Something for the Fans

I get drunk, really fast. Enjoy this video. I'm unattractive and turn into a chauvinistic asshole.

Typically Relative

    This last week has been pretty dull. Just been doing typical stuff. Luckily for me, my idea of typical isn't exactly the norm. Drinking and going to the movie theater or out to eat, typical. Being drunk by noon, typical. Typical is a pretty relative term. I'm glad that my idea of typical is pretty fun on paper, makes me seem much more exciting.

    I watched The King's Speech this week, while absolutely hammered. That was quite the experience, it's definitely better than I imagined it would be. Still, Inception should win the Oscar for best picture. Also, I've never spoken much of it, but indian food is my all time favorite kind of food, and we got a little drunk and went to and indian buffet. That was amazing, no lie.

     Probably going to do some laundry today. I hope so, I've been switching off between jeans and basketball shorts. No bueno, I'm gonna catch a cold or something. We're all out of booze, which is insane, because we just bought a handle of Jose Cuervo two days ago. Pacing isn't our strong suit. and just before that, we had another cheap handle of tequila and a fifth of whiskey. I don't see how we can avoid liver damage at this point.

    I really wish I had more to talk about, this post has been pretty boring and uneventful. Typically, I have something exciting to say, I have some kind of story ready for you guys. No luck this time around, I'll try to get into more dangerous situations.

    I'm going to go grab some grub. Give me a few topics I could possibly talk about in the near future, I need things to write about.

~Joe GenoCyDe

Sappy Valentine's Day

    So, tomorrow's the big day. The day lovely couples spend their day swooning over each other, some of them even write each other lovely little poems. Get each other gifts and candy, go out for dinner, maybe go watch a movie. Romance fills the air with the scent of Love.

    Me? I'll probably spend it drinking tequila in the basement in my boxers.

    I remember a time when I spent Valentines Day like everyone else. For example, once, I took a girlfriend to see the Friday The 13th remake. This was before I had given up on the idea of "True Love". She lived a bit out of town, so we agreed to meet at the theater. I showed up holding a giant fucking bear and an equally giant heart shaped box of chocolate. I looked like a goof.

    I fumbled around with this giant bear and chocolates, waiting for her to show up. She walked into the theater lobby and was so excited to see me holding this shit. I'm not sure, but I think we even brought the fucking thing into the movies with us.

    So, even I have been sucked into the whole Vday thing. It's hard to avoid. I think my biggest problem with the holiday is that it's all based on a superficial idea of what Love is supposed to be. Any shmuck can write a poem and claim that's how he feels.

    When I'm with you, nothing else matter.

My heart pounds through my chest at the mere thought of us.

Together.

A river of love for you pumps through my veins.

Your touch sends warm, unexplainable sensations through my body.

And all I can think of is how lucky I am to have you.

    See? I bet I could recite this poem to any girl without a Valentine and send her into a swooning abyss. Feel feel to slap that poem onto a bouquet of flowers. I just got you laid. 

    Don't get me wrong, I believe in Love. I don't, however, believe in "True Love." For a definition that fits my age demographic, I turned to Urban Dictionary. Click the link to get an idea of what people think of "True Love." Link

    It's all Hallmark bullshit. I also don't like the implication that the word "True" gives to Love. It implies that you were meant to be together. I believe you can be completely happy with a HUGE demographic (or not so huge if you suck). My definition of Love is this: Love is being about 75% happy with someone and not wanting to correct the quarter of them that sucks. Happiness consists of the 4 C's(compatibility, comfortability, compassion and sex). At no point in time does my idea of Love require hearts and candy.

    So fuck Valentine's day, stay home and have a movie day. Get comfortable on the couch with your valentine, talk, reminisce, and fuck. That's a perfectly fine Valentine's day if you ask me. Shit, I'll even take a tequila shot for you guys!

~Joe GenoCyDe

Things Happen. Shit Happens, too.

    Darco and I went to the mall yesterday with two 44oz gas station sodas with about ten shots of Jose Cuervo each. Naturally, I was a little nervous, it was only a few days after my 22 shots from hell. I get down about halfway through my drink when we finally get out of the car. We stop at every other bench to sit and talk while we sip on our drink (drank in some social circles). We drink, check out women, eat food, it's a good time.

    We get bored of the mall atmosphere and head towards the nearest Best Buy. Darco is interested in God knows what, and my mindset at the time just wanted to play 'Epic Mickey' on the wii so we seperate. I eventually realize I look ridiculous, getting pissed off at the game for not letting me win, so I venture out to search for Darco. While looking for my band mate, I'm distracted by a keyboard aisle. I dick around on the instruments, realizing I've forgotten half the songs I've claimed to have known. I start playing '7 Nation Army' very loudly. Darco soon emerges from the depths of the electronics after hearing my beautiful rendition of the song. We play with the keyboards a bit longer before venturing off to find new adventures.

    We get to the Apple area and I start messing around on the internet. I pull up the band Purevolume page and start playing it loudly. I call out to Darco and act as if I just discovered the band. "Wow, dude! This band is great don't you think?" That goes on for a bit longer. Halfway through, I though it'd be a great idea to record a video and place it onto the iMac's background. We email ourselves the video and keep our webpage open on the largest iMac there.Shameless, but funny. We record another video on an iTouch or something, again plugging ourselves. We leave Best Buy, refill our gas station cup and head back to the mall. We notice a familiar car and get excited as we realize my uncle is in the mall somewhere.

    Shortly after our sudden rush of excitement, we realize we are running dangerously low on tequila. We each have about 4 shots and the bottle is empty. We sing a few musicals and then come up with a plan to find my uncle and convince him to buy a few drinks for the rest of the evening. We don't have to look very long, we barely walk into the mall when there he is with his wife. It doesn't really take much convincing, so we race them home. My uncle lives in a motel, so while in the lobby, I see Brad, someone I used to know from school. We catch up really quick and I find out he's living with his current girlfriend and her baby (not his). He tells me he just lost his job and I wish him good luck. I get to my uncle's room and he's playing his PS3 with Darco and they have their beers in hand. I grab a beer and watch them play some weird PS3 arcade-type game. Maybe 20 minutes later, there's a knock on the door. It's Brad.

   Brad has a large dish of food. He and his girlfriend sent over some food that they weren't going to eat. At first, we're just really glad that there's some food and it tastes great! We give Brad a beer and he hangs out for a bit before dismissing himself. We thank him and tell him we'll return the dish once we're through. It wasn't until half hour later, while delivering the dish, that I realized how nice of them it was.

    A thin girl with dark hair answers the door. I smile and ask if I've got the right room. She laughs and invites me in. I hand her the dish and thank her again for the food, after telling her how good it was. Brad is on the bed playing with the baby. The baby is adorable, I immediately want to pick him up, so I ask if I can and snatch him up once they gave me permission. The dopey baby won't stop staring at me, but he seems to be fine. They assure me that if he was upset, he'd be crying.

    While holding the baby, I learn more about their situation and it's not good. They are staying in the motel for a couple days and have no idea what happens after that. They have both lost their jobs and are clueless as to what to do next. I put the baby down during the conversation and he seems to stop staring. They fill me in on what brought them to this point. The baby starts laughing at me so naturally, I pick him back up. I feel as if I have been there for a bit too long, and excuse myself. I thank them for the food and compliment them on their baby (Brad loves him as his own). As I leave I wish them good luck and give them my number.

    I return to my Uncle's room and we watch a movie. When I get home, I've got a text from Brad. He's invited me over for breakfast in the morning and I politely decline his offer, telling him I probably won't be up too early. I thank him again and wish him all the luck in the world.

    That family gives me hope for humanity. They are at their lowest point, but still remember to be polite and considerate of other people. They don't have much to give, but give anyway. They are good people and I truly hope they find a way out of their jam.

~JoeGenoCyDe

Yesterday's Antics

    So, things have been pretty dull around here. I've been stuck in a nostalgic kick recently, I've spent countless hours playing Smackdown! Shut Your Mouth on the PS2 (You should probably skip to the next paragraph if you're not familiar with the game). I've created myself and Darco in the Create-A-Superstar mode. I've been playing the season mode as opposed to playing exhibition matches. I'm already more than halfway through the second season. I have the Undisputed, European and the Tag Team belts. Lame, I know.

    That's the gist of all the excitement I've had in the past few days, until yesterday. We bought a handle of New Amsterdam Gin early last week. We decided we would watch the latest Coen Brothers' film, True Grit, whilst intoxicated. That went swell. Great movie. Anyway, the following days consisted of Darco drinking up all the gin himself for I was not 'feeling it'.

    Darco decided that I needed to 'catch up' to him, meaning I needed to drink as much as he did in the days prior. 22 shots. No biggie, right? I decided I should do it all in one day, make life exciting, you only live once. Unfortunately, you only get one liver. We decided to make things even more exciting. While drinking, I would get on webcam, record my progress and tell a story. We did this so that we could gradually watch my downfall.
Also, it'd be a great way to show my future offspring where daddy started.

    I bought a 52 oz. Big Bubba mug from the Mobil Gas Station down the street ($7.50, but you can refill it for 85 cents. Why does it seem that the cent symbol no longer exists?). I filled it with Mountain Dew Red, drank about half of it, and then filled it with 22 shots of Jose Cuervo. The original plan was to slowly drink my 50/50 mix drink through the course of the day. I did it in less than an hour.

    I'm no stranger to blacking out, but yesterday was the first time my memory has been hazy. I kinda remember doing the videos. I also kinda remember Darco coming home. I remember going down the stairs, and that's it. It's as if I walked down the stairs into my blackout. I don't remember what I did when I got to the bottom of the stairs. I remember nothing.

    I woke up at around 1AM. I was shirtless and miserable. I was in bed. I don't normally sleep shirtless, so I feared the worst. Did I make an ass of myself? Flashes of me dancing like Gibby from iCarly flashed through my mind, but I don't think it actually happened. I crawled out of bed, literally. I felt like Hasselhoff looking for a cheeseburger. I didn't have to crawl far to find my shirt, traces of vomit were apparent on it. Great. I threw up at some point.

    I have no idea what happened. My only clue is a FB wallpost from Darco which read:

Haha, you better be alive tomorrow. Because these videos are amazing.


      I will get to the bottom of this mystery. Perhaps Darco will help me fill the gaps.

~GenoCyDe